I haven’t spent most of my life living alone.
In fact, the overwhelming majority of my time on this planet has been spent sharing a house and many times a room with other people. All of the things I learned, from childhood to adolescence to adulthood, I learned to do while sharing space with other people.
As a kid, I had three siblings with whom I had to share a bathroom. In college, I had a roommate every year. After college, I lived in a big, old, rickety house with four other guys, only three bedrooms, a tiny bathroom, and one beat-up kitchen more often than not filled up on one side with the week’s trash bags. Space was at a premium, but I loved it.
The last year or so I have lived on my own. Just me and myself in a little apartment. I can do what I want to the walls, I can hang whatever posters I like, I can wait as long as I want to do the dishes or the laundry. I own the TV, so I never have to reserve it with a little sticky note that says what I want to watch on what night.
There’s a big drawback to living alone, though. You start to get comfortable. You start to think that maybe it’d be okay to do certain things because no one else is around. Sure, first they’re just little things, like throw your dirty underwear on the floor, or not wash your shavings out of the sink. But for me, the biggest temptation was that I could lock my door whenever I wanted and retreat to my bathroom to watch porn. I just didn’t know what to do with myself when I lived alone, so I made bad decisions with my time.
No one would ever know. It was my apartment. I could do what I want, and no one makes a habit of barging into your home and saying, “You’ve been in here an awful long time! What are you doing?” It was private. It was in my control. And it was very, very lonely.
If you live alone, or even if you don’t – maybe you just have a lot of free time, or the people you live with give you lots of space – it’s not just a good idea to get accountability: it’s a necessary step to recovering from addiction to pornography. You need to tell someone, and the best way to be accountable is to not leave it up to you. If you are your own accountability partner, you’re accountable to no one.
You can do it! – get accountable.
There are ways to let other people you trust in on your struggle. Get X3watch for your computer. Find a friend who is willing to ask you the hard questions about what you’re doing with your time. Don’t be lonely anymore – it may be as simple as inviting someone in to your life, even the dark, lonely parts. Your struggle depends on it!
accountability, living alone, lonely, porn addiction