Porn PLUS Phone PLUS Driving MINUS Pants = A Bad Idea

Porn PLUS Phone PLUS Driving MINUS Pants = A Bad Idea

Written on January 28th, 2016 in Stories by Craig Gross

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When you do this type of ministry for as long as we have, you start to feel like there’s nothing that could surprise you anymore. And then you read this headline:

“Pantsless Driver Dies After Being Ejected Through His Sunroof While Masturbating to Porn on a Cellphone When the Car Crashed and Rolled Over”

Where to start with unpacking a headline like this?

I guess you start with “pantsless.”

People, we really shouldn’t have to say this, but here goes: keep your pants on while you’re driving. In fact, unless you’re actively about to use the restroom, have sex with your spouse, or change clothes, you should just keep your pants on all the time.

Okay, so then, let’s see. “Masturbating to porn on a cellphone” is pretty self-evident as far as we’re concerned. This is one we tend to file in the You Can Make A Healthier Choice With How You Use Your Phone side of things. There are plenty of things you can do with your phone – watching porn on it is the most disappointingly obvious one, so, you know, live a little. Get creative.

“Driver” is a word that really makes things take a turn. Did not expect that one. There are all kinds of initiatives out there to keep people from texting and driving, which is good because that’s a real problem that kills a lot of innocent people.

Also, because “Don’t Text and Drive” fits much better on a bumper sticker than “Don’t Masturbate to Porn on Your Phone and Drive. Better Yet, Keep Your Phone in the Pocket of Your Pants, Which You Should Also Be Wearing, Of Course”.

“Ejected through his sunroof” is shocking, but this one we kind of understand. Can’t wear your seatbelt if you’re too busy masturbating to porn while driving. He probably unbuckled his seatbelt before he unbuckled his pants.

“When the car crashed and rolled over” is also shocking, because no one expects their car to crash. We get very comfortable in our cars and rarely think that a crash is imminent. And so this man probably thought the same thing, as his hands apparently were occupied with himself. According to the article:

“It is believed that [he] lost control of the car because he was distracted and was unable to prevent the 1996 Toyota from spinning because he did not have both hands firmly on the steering wheel.”

“Dies.” That’s the saddest word in this headline, by far.

Sure, it’s easy to joke about the circumstances of this man’s death, but this is still a guy who was so wrapped up in porn and self-pleasure that he couldn’t wait until he got home. He was driving at 3:30 on a Sunday morning and had to have his fix immediately.

And now he’s dead.

Self-control is great, but it’s not something we can always rely on.

Sometimes things hit us out of nowhere, and so we do what we can to stay safe. It’s why we wear our seat belts when we drive – because we never know what’s coming around the corner, and while we most likely won’t ever need the seat belt, it can add new levels of driving confidence to know that we’ll be protected in the event of an emergency.

So how are you staying safe?
Are you keeping your pants on and your phone down?
Are you staying buckled?
Are you respecting the road?

Check out X3watch to help you do all those things and more.

Don’t get killed in an auto accident while scoping porn on your phone, that’s just a really bad idea – take charge of your life instead.